I have grown up, moved around, and married into the military. I’ve only known about a civilian lifestyle when I was married to my first husband and even then it confused the hell out of me.
Just about every military personal and family member I’ve ever met, has had the “You just do it” spirit. Our esprit de corp was our family, our friends, our community. It didn’t matter if you lived on or off bace/post/station. We are/were one huge, massive family. We were are/were a unique group of people in a unique situation. That gave us a common bond.
We all understood that our lives were a bit different because at any moment we could be transferred, or Dad/Mom/Husband/Wife could be called away for TDY/Deployment.
When we moved, we packed up, we cleaned up we said our goodbyes and in many cases cried in the car. When we pulled into our new bace/fort/station, we unpacked we cleaned up and we were met by our new neighbors (who usually had cookies, a pizza and a beer) to say hello because they too knew how hard it was to move into a new place as well. Our family did the same thing when the new neighbors came in as well.
We celebrated with air shows, open houses, and field days with a carnival like atmosphere. We got to see what our Husband/Wife/Mom/Dad’s were doing and see/smell/touch the equipment that made them different from other Moms/Dad’s/Wife’s/Husband’s.
It didn’t matter what your neighbors skin color was, all we needed to know was “Yes, Sir” or “Yes, Sargent.”
When your neighbor went on leave with their family, chances are, your family would walk over a few times a day, taking care of the pets, plants and making it look like someone was still there because family time is a precious commodity to get.
As much as we desperately wanted to, we didn’t rush the door when Mom/Dad/Husband/Wife walked in because chances are, they are pretty tired/stressed out and need a few moments to “get it together.”
We gave up weekends and many evenings because things needed to get to get done at work. It was just the way it worked.
We all come to the aid of the family when someone was hurt, and we mourned when one of ours was lost.
So when I quote, “Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage and the soul,” I’m not just talking about the Service Member. I’m talking about the men and women who are at home. These folks are the rock, the soft spot to land on, the cookie holding- pizza ordering-beer offering folks who try to make a unique lifestyle just a little more bearable for the soldiers as well as each other. Yup, we help when needed and not necessarily asked to do so, we just do. We will mow the neighbors yard, bring your mail in, carpool, run to the Commissary or, watch the Little’s so Mom and Dad can have just one evening together for the first time in 11 months. We are all in this together.
This leads me to this: every solider needs a soft spot to land on. Every. Single. One. I know that my mother all but tried to adopted all of the single soldiers in my father’s Air Force wing. She and Dad would hold a once a month party where a horrid, trashed up looking piece of fur was put on a plaque and passed around to the nominated Airman called “The Warm Fuzzy Award.” Dad would also hang a rubber chicken over the desk of a crew member, but I can’t remember why he did that. Mom would cook and bake and make an amazing spread so these guys could have something “normal” to look forward to. When one of Dad’s airmen got in trouble by the Sky Cops because he was drunk driving, Dad spent 3 days with him before he convinced him that he needed to seek help. He encouraged all of his crew to go to/back to school. Mom was close with the wives/others of all of the wing members and made sure they had everything they needed, and if not got them to the right person so they could get the services they were lacking. So when I hear that a solider takes his life because of whatever reason, I have to stop and think back, why didn’t that soldier’s command staff do the warm fuzzy awards too? Was the solider scared? Where they lonely? Did they just need that one hug to help them through the replay of crap going on in their heads? Would just one day of “normal” help? Why didn’t their Command take care of their crew?
Last Sunday, we got word that one of the veteran students here at our university took his life. I knew him, not well, but in passing and just general conversation. I do know he loved snowboarding and that he was majoring in photography. He was a purple heart recipient due to an IED going off in his face and it did a lot of damage including to his eye. That didn’t stop him from picking up a camera. This school has all sorts of amazing people working very hard to insure the success of reintegration of soldiers back into a civilian life. The folks running the Veterans Center are Veterans themselves, so they get it. They are that soft spot we used to have back when we were active duty. They all know what needs to be done and if they can’t then they all know someone who can. But what about this failed? Then I stop and think as to why K9’s For Warriors and other PSD groups are in demand now. The number of suicide’s in the military shot up to a new record 349 in 2012 — more than the 295 soldier’s who died fighting in Afghanistan in 2012. Most are 18-24 year olds who worried that asking for help will undermine their career. To make it just that much closer to home, “While some of the deaths can be linked to the stresses of being deployed in a war zone, a third or more of those who killed themselves were never deployed, Tom says. They seem to have been made desperate by financial or personal problems.” (Tom Bowman, NPR’s Pentagon correspondent). Now, stop and think about this. Hard. I could have lost Warrior Husband, but I didn’t because he and I met just as the crap was hitting the fan for him and I refused to walk away. To this day I refuse to even when it’s a really, really bad day. And then I look at Warrior Husband and Charlie. Then I start to cry. What if I hadn’t found Shari and K9’s when I did.
So this is what we need to do, folks. We all need to get it together. I understand that most of you have not or never were part of a military family, but you are now even if it’s through me. We can’t hand hold every single one of these folks, but we can include them in our lives. We need to help them find their courage in this civilian life. They didn’t have to be over in the sand box to be a Veteran. If they took that Oath, if they put on that uniform, then they are one. Let’s not just show them, but let incorporate them into this new Esprit de Corp. Let’s celebrate all of the little victories; let hold each other when we are scared or sad or if the play back loop who shut off in our heads. Let’s not be afraid and just Be instead.
With that, I present to you, “On The Threshold of Liberty.” It is dedicated to the Veteran faculty, staff and students of Montana State University and I am hoping to be able to hang it in the Veteran’s Center.
Size: 53” x 53”
Design: "Starburst" by Canoe Ridge Creations
Machine Pieced - Machine Quilted
Dedicated: To the Veterans (faculty, staff and students) of MSU and given to the MSU Veteran's Center.
Fabrics:
- Red: Windham’s Holiday Heritage “Damask Red”
- White: “White” Kona Cotton Solids by Robert Kaufman Fabrics
- Blue: Hoffman’s “Sapphire” batik
- Gold: Millie’s Garden – Joined At the Hip “Gold Swirl”
- Black: Red Rooster-Olde World Style “Vienna Swirl”
Batting: Warm and Natural White Quilt Batting, 100% Cotton
Backing: “Black” Kona Cotton Solids by Robert Kaufman Fabrics.
Binding: “Black” Kona Cotton Solids by Robert Kaufman Fabrics. Double French binding
Thread: AURIfil 40wt - White
